School Dazed
School Dazed!
My much anticipated return to school has left me feeling, for lack of a better term, deflated. Though I have found some aspects of the collegiate world challenging, they are not in the areas I had anticipated. I was sure I would be confronted with intellectual assessments resulting in a deep analysis of my abilities. What I was NOT prepared for was the physical repercussions my complete fear of failure would produce.
I sit here, before this screen, an entirely different person than the one who skipped through her days, oblivious to the mental anguish a return to school may cause. I do not understand how, exactly, these feelings came into play, but you can rest assured this is not some cry of angst intended to evoke sympathy. This is merely an admission of guilt!!!
There have been several “reasons” why I have missed the occasional class… and even entire DAYS of lessons. However, the importance of said reasons would not hold weight if strictly examined. I am aware of this. I am bothered by this. Mostly, I am appalled by my actions, or rather, inactions. “If you don’t try, you can’t fail” has been the theme of my first month of school… And for that, I am not only guilty; I am ashamed!!!
Nevertheless, I am happy to report that my self-pity is over and I have since moved my “Self-
Destruct-Button” further from the reach of my ever itchy trigger finger. I have placed my pretentious nose closer to the grindstone that taunts my subconscious; and for that, I am happy once again. There is a slight skip in my step that I will continue to carry with me if it freaking KILLS me (which it will NOT)!!! For I am INDESTRUCTIBLE once more… or something a little less dramatic and easier to live up to…
*Please feel free to correct my punctuation (aside from the occasional “…”, which is my standard of implementing a pause in thought) so that I may be more accurate in my English class!!! (Exclamation points are also excluded from your edit!!!) Lol… (as was that “lol”… and this next one)… lol!!!
